I still can't believe it. It seems to be over. I ruined my life - my second Life at least.
Now i am abandoned - and i'm afraid there's no way back to the only person i love as much as i love my RL fiancee: my Mistress.
If She doesn't forgive me and accepts me again - what sense will it make to ever go to SL again?
I made the mistake to talk with a woman i shouldn't talk with; and believing this woman, i tried to comfort her because she seemed hurt and distraught.
Since i helped a friend in a similar case in RL (friends in divorce) by blaming the man even though he was also a friend of me ("sometimes people are dear friends even despite they do things one dislikes") i transfered this RL case onto the case this woman talked to me about, and ...
... re-reading the logs, my replies really could be understood as deceiving my Mistress - which i had never intended. She means the world for me, i would never intentionally deceive Her.
I thought i would never lose my loyalty to Mistress or fail to obey Her. But i know now: if i had been really obedient i would have ignored that woman, left her and muted her.
Unfortunately my Mistress learned about that i had a talk with that woman, and had me give Her the log of that dialog - it was in local chat anyway. And -- gosh was She mad at me! She still is.
I even had to detach my collar that shows that i am Her property. :(
I am devastated - beyond words.
Heart-broken, numb and shocked and crying all day in RL.
And i'm mad at me myself, because it was my own fault that forced my Mistress to disown me. It was me and my own damned stupidity and credulousness that ruined everything.
Against all reason i hope that my Mistress will forgive me and take me back ... For me, She will never be anything else than my Mistress.
Even though i'm not allowed to wear Her collar anymore, i still feel as Her slave after all: since i became Her slave She has become the center of my SL universe -- where shall i go to if She really insists that i have to leave? If she won't listen to my begging for a second chance?
All i can do now is showing Her that i still feel as Her slave, obeying Her, begging Her, hoping that She takes me back. I still love Her so very much.
I rather would suffer all the punishments possible through the RLV - if i only were allowed to wear Her collar again