Jul 17, 2013

just a THANK YOU. :)

Since I already revealed in the chat that I've been suffering from a severe depression (for many years, by the way), and that I've been in the hospital since June 11 to get psychological help, I think it's just about time to thank all of you here - and all of those who know me from inworld - for your (in most cases) unknowing help and support during the years I've been in SL and here on SLU.

Those of you who met me inworld only saw the mask I always used to wear when among people, and those of you who only have read me here in the forums prolly never imagined that I've been in that mood - but nonetheless y'all did manage to make me smile and laugh when I needed it most, managed to infect me with your optimism to keep on going, managed to help me wave away the dark thoughts -- even though you did not know how down I really felt because I always tried to hide it.

I know that a THANK YOU isn't enough, but I'm really grateful for what you did. Y'all (and some others who don't even know that SLU exists) literally saved my life quite a few times unknowingly, and helped me to finally go seek the professional help I'm getting now in the first place.

Thank you all for your love, support and care.

May 23, 2012

New: SL the game

I've been saying that SL is NOT a game since I  was a noob in Feb 08. But now, Tateru presents the game SL. Have fun playing:
 Announcing Second Life: The Game!
Tired of telling people that Second Life isn’t a game? Want to take a break from using Second Life to earn money for your groceries and mortgage? Want to kick back and not rework your Marketplace listings for better sales performance? ...

May 16, 2012

Roleplay! - or, Musings about IC and OOC

"Geez!" you might say, "I don't roleplay, i'm all ME, all the time!" 

But I tell you, you sure do. You roleplay ALL the time, and even different roles during the day and week.

Let's say your name is Jane Doe, you're mid-30, office employee, mother, spouse, daughter, friend, volunteer.
Let's start at your home. You wake your kid(s) up, prepare them for school, send them to school bus, spend a few minutes with your spouse before you head to work, work your shift, get home for a late lunch, go volunteer at a library, meet a friend, go to school for a meeting with the teachers, head home again, meet the babysitter, then you grab your spouse and go out... and the next day you all sleep in, then travel to your parents for weekend.
As soon as you're with your child(ren, you go "in character", playing the role of a mother as YOU interprete it. You're doing it differently than your mom, then other mothers you've met, so it's your own interpretation of this role. Anyways, with your kids, you're not Jane Doe anymore, you're "MOOOM!!!" - the mother of your kid(s). Like: "Moooom, must I do that?", "Moooom, do you have to come in without knocking?", "Mooom, Can I get that phone please?", "Mooom, can my friend come over?" and so on. You're even reacting on that title: You're "Mom", not "Jane" or "Ms Doe", and you would be angry to upset if your child(ren) ever called you "Jane", because it's inappropriate, right? And would you talk to your child(ren) the same way about the same topics as you talk to your colleagues, or your spouse, or your friends, or your own parents --- or talk with them about the same subjects as with your kid(s)? No you wouldn't.
With your spouse, are you acting and speaking the same way as with your kid(s)? Why of course not, He (or she) is not a kid, but an adult, right? Thus, you go "in character" as their "Honey" or "Darling", playing the role of an adult lover for him/her, kissing, hugging, caring. What would you think if your spouse suddenly didn't call you honey or darling anymore, but "Jane"? Uh-huh. Srz Bznz, right?
Now you go to work, and meet your boss. Would the role of a mother or the role of a lover still be appropriate now? Not at all. So you jump into the role of "Ms Doe the subordinate", and stay "in character" as long as they are in sight. "Yes Boss, of course boss, as soon as possible boss"...
Would this role still be okay when your boss is away and you're with equal-leveled colleagues? Of course not. As their team-mate and competitor "Jane the worker", you would become their plaything quickly, so you have a whole different role to play now. You must be tough and co-operative and competitive to keep your job, to avoid being mobbed or bossed around.
After your shift, you're at home, alone, spouse still at work, kids still at school - first time you can be truely "you". But hell, lunch not done, and lots to do!
So you jump into the role of the "Housewife" and cook your late lunch, clean the house a bit.
You plant yourself on the couch, have lunch while watching tv, just being "You" - suddenly you see that you have to rush to your volunteer job. You put the empty plate and cutlery into the dishwasher and head to the library.
There, you can't be your couch potato "you" anymore, nor can you be the subordinate nor the colleague, you're "Ms Doe the librarian" now, watching "in character" over the silent rooms of the library.
After a few hours you meet a friend of yours. Suddenly you can't be the stern librarian anymore, you're "Good ol' Jane" now, the happy-go-lucky girl your friend expects to see in you. You joke around, talk over some coffee, catch up a bit, get reminded of the party tonight. Then you say good bye, because you have to head to school.
There, while talking to teachers, you're "in character", yet in another role, the role of the responsible but caring business-woman "Ms Doe", similar to your "Jane the worker" persona, but with a bit "Mooom!" and "Ms Doe the subordinate" added to it.
At night you're home, you greeted your spouse as "Honey, the lover", spent time with your kid(s) as "Mooom!", prepared lunch and took care of the household as the "Housewife" - now you prepare for the party tonight.
As the babysitter arrives, you jump into a new role "Ms Doe the employer", and tell the young woman what to do. Then you go out, quickly becoming the giggly "Party-Jane" now - a mix of "Honey the lover" and "Good ol' Jane".
At night you're exhausted and drunk, and you slump on your bed, not even thinking of anything - suddenly you become "you" again.
Next day, after having been "Honey the lover", "Moom!", "Housewife", you travel to your parents - and find yourself in another role: "Jane the adult daughter". Are you acting the same towards your parents as you act towards your child(ren), your spouse, your boss, your colleagues, the library customers, the friends, the babysitter? No you don't. It's another role you play. And you stay "in character" as long as you stay at your parents. What would happen if they called you "Ms Doe"? Or "Mom"? Or treated you like your boss treats you, or your colleagues or your friends? Very much "Out of Character", don't you think?

 Soo... if you already do play roles in your daily life, and know what's appropriate and inappropriate in your certain roles, what "in character" and "out of character" means - how hard can it be to play roles elsewhere, like for example in SL?

 I already mentioned somewhere else, that even in the girl-to-girl talks with my Mistress, we're not "eight" and "Lexi", but i'm her slave Gem no matter what, and she's my Mistress no matter what, being called "Mistress" by me no matter what. I know she didnt like it at first, even begged me to call her by her first name once in our first girl-to-girl time - but i can't, and she respected it, and i think grew used to it. Actually, i can't do that even when i'm online with one of my alts, or speaking with one of her alts. It's like... like your boss is always your boss even when they want you to treat them "as an equal". You just KNOW they are your boss, and act according to this knowledge.
 In RP-terms, this though is called "using OOC knowledge IC" and is in most cases frowned upon.
 Nonetheless "Gem the business owner" is slightly different than "Gem the slave" or "Gem the newbie mentor" or "Gem the partygirl". I can be more or less dominant with my Gorean alt "Lady Alexandra" - but when i'm speaking with my Mistress, i immediately turn into "Gem the slave". I can be rather happy-go-lucky with my handicapped RP alt "Sweet C" - but when i IM my Mistress, i become "Gem the slave" again. I can't really be OOC with my Mistress.

 But let's go to actual ROLEPLAY now.

Let's say you have a teen avatar, are in a PG (or, "General") sim, in a RP school mirroring modern day RL. Now how do you act?
"Duh, like the others of course!", you say. Hm... Let's say you can rez there and you have vehicles in your inventory, like a car for example. Can you just rez it to go for a ride?
"Sure, it's SL after all" -- Erm, what? Sorry hun, but you're wearing a teen avatar, so you're supposed to act as a teen. And where did this your teen persona get the car from anyways?
"Hey I rezzed it, didnt you see?" No. All i saw was a car appearing in front of a teen, and the teen driving away with it. How old are you in this avatar?
"I'm over 18, silly!" No, inworld, in this teen avatar, you appear as a teen. That's why all I see is that you ARE a teen. Now choose an age.
"Okay, 13 then." Now would a 13y old drive a car, on school ground?
"Gosh, it's SL, you derp!" - No. It's ROLEPLAY. And you're supposed to play plausible. Or would you use machine guns on a Gor sim? Nope, or an airplane in a medieval sim? Neither.

As soon as you're in a roleplay sim, and not identifyable as a Visitor or Explorer or other OOC person, you're seen as "in character". Teen avatar on a school sim - you must be a student, right? How old are you in this avatar? 13? Can a 13yo drive a car on a public road? And... where did this car (PLAUSIBLY) come from? I haven't seen a garage nor a parking lot nor have I seen someone else (or an automatism) drive the car to the place you are.

 If you're on a roleplay sim, try to be "in character". Like you play different roles whether you're at your job, with your boss, your clients, your kids, your spouse - play different roles according to where you are in SL.

 Example: If I went to a Gor sim alone without changing to the robes of a Free Woman and making my collar invisible - what would happen, if I forgot the "Visitor" tag while being there? "Nothing", you say. "It's SL after all." And you'd be wrong. My collar says that i'm a slave. And if i went to SL-Gor as a slave, i would become involved in the Gor RP - as a slave, as a kajira or bondmaid, which means: having to obey everyone who's a Free Person. Even sexually. And no, I'm not planning to do that. If I just changed in the robes of a Free Woman without making the collar invisible, and it were seen that i'm wearing the collar, I would be treated as a runaway slave in the robes of a Free Woman - which would be my death sentence IC'ly. And I'm not planning to play my own killing either. So, nope.

Soo...Create a character, even if it's YOU yourself, projected or mirrored into your avatar.
And then stick with this character as long as you're online with this avatar. You can't pretend to be someone else entirely anyways, you'll always stay YOU - even while playing a role.
Even professional actors give their roles aspects of themselves: That's why it's a huge difference when you see let's say Dr. Who played by Hartnell, Troughton, Pertwee, T. Baker, Davison, C. Baker, McCoy, McGann, Eccleston, Tennant or Smith - and the difference is not only in the looks. Or James Bond played by the different actors. Or... Hamlet played by different actors. Everyone of them interpretes their role differently. Same with the Jane Doe example above: Jane Doe as "Mooom!" would be her own interpretation of a mother, different to her own mother and other mothers she knows. As "Honey the lover" she would be her own interpretation of a lover, not the copy of someone else.

So, create yourself a "character" matching your avatar.
Are you wearing a male avatar while being a woman IRL, try act like a male version of you. Are you wearing a female avatar while being a man IRL, try act like a female version of you. Are you wearing a teen avatar while being adult IRL, try act like a teen version of you. With a child avatar, try act as if you were a child that age. With an animal avatar, try act like that animal would do - even if it could speak. Try acting like this better-looking, healthier, younger/older, […] version of you.
And THEN, think: What if *I* were this person who is my avatar, in this situation, in this environment - for reals? And then, BE PLAUSIBLE and blend in, and let this your "character" grow as you go.
Wherever you go in SL, think by yourself: Is what I do or how i'm dressed, or what i say, plausible and appropriate for the place? (like you prolly wouldnt go to work in RL with your Rave party outfit). Is there a way to appear as OOC when in a roleplay area? If not, try to be "in character" in respect to the RP place and its owners - like for example, follow the dress code even when there's nobody there at the moment you arrived there, or: in a church sim, try dress and act like in a RL church. In a school campus sim, try and act like in a RL school campus. In a BDSM adult sim, try act like in a RL BDSM club. In a Star Trek sim, try act as if you were part of the series or books. Try to be "in character". Always. At all times.
 Or, in RP sims, make sure you're an OOC ("out of character") visitor by using double brackets when you speak to others - eg. "((hi, sorry to disturb your RP, could prolly someone help me?))" - or, better yet, contact one of the players in IM.

Don't be upset when they ignore you in the open chat. Would you want to be called out when you do something that is "absolutely not you" (hence, "Out of character")? Would you call one of your friends out if they act "OOC" - like "so not them"? No. you would spare you and them this embarrassment, and wish you would be spared it too, right?
So if you're in a RP area, and there are roleplayers, and they ignore you - watch your IMs, they might attempt to help you there.

I know it's TL'DR again - but hey, what do you expect of a writer? =)

May 8, 2012

4 YEARS !!!

Is there even one M/s relationship in SL that has been that long in a row?
It was four years ago that a bored girl went into a bar, and by chance stepped on the way that  is the most awesome life-style on Earth. As I wrote long time ago: Limit girl or how gem was born

Thank you very much, dear Mistress, for been with me during all these years. For Your leadership, Your teaching, Your faith in me, Your encouragement. For the dedication, trust, love, and inspiration You've given and taught me.
After all these years, I am still both thankful and proud to be Your slave.

Botgirl's Identity Circus: What If Rod Was One Of Us? (Parody Music Video)

Botgirl's Identity Circus: What If Rod Was One Of Us? (Parody Music Video): If Rod had an alt who spent a lot of time Inside of Second Life just hanging out In clubs and chatting with his friends Would he still...

Apr 13, 2012

If you die in SL...: Something to Say: Autism

If you die in SL...: Something to Say: Autism: Listen up I'm going to be straight up with you, like always: this post isn't so much about Second Life. Now hold on a minute - before y...

Jul 15, 2011

Absence due to RL

Some people wonder why I haven't been in SL for so long, and when I was, why it was only for a short time. And why I only post one or two posts in forums approximately per day and forum while it was about a dozen each in the past.
It has a very good reason: my prolonged use of the computer (and I've done nearly everything with on the computer for way more than a decade now: writing, watching TV and videos, listening to music or spoken word, editing pictures, writing, reading, discussing in forums, translating, GIMP, writing, ordering things on the internet, online banking, (did I mention I use to write a lot?), and now SL and the things I do in and about this virtual world) - together with a weakened health  which I haven't realized until I got my blood checked --- finally led to the dreaded RSI.
 To avoid pain despite prescribed meds against it, I'm damned to work as slow as a snail on the computer, considering all the breaks inbetween: so slow that even this short post took me a half hour so far. Can you imagine what this means for SL where your mouse and your keyboard is (usually) in nearly constant usage? Where you can't even walk without using the keyboard, or build without using the mouse? Where you can't even look around or talk or teleport or whatever without  using keyboard and/or mouse?
The last time when I was online, I said "I come back later, when I feel like being up to it".…
… but when you are a writer and illustrator and translator like me, when all your work and creativity is related to WRITING and/or using the computer, AND then you get RSI and in the evening or after your work's done you just want to rest your wrists and do nothing at all for a while, but still reply to posts in forums and have some rest again,  then even this beautiful great even more interactive virtual world Second Life you miss so very much becomes a place you avoid. you avoid it simply to avoid the pain that comes by interacting.
I will be back again, but I can't say yet when that will be exactly. Currently I'm glad to just so manage my RL tasks, I even rejected translation jobs because they would have demanded even more typing.
So, being a writer, what do I do without typing? Well, I learned that writing by hand (pen on paper) does not inflict that much pain, so I still can work on my stories or draw illustrations for them, so there is progress (though this progress is very slow, and my waste paper bucket gets full very fast).

kueperpunk: Sich mit virtuellen Welten zu beschäftigen ist ja so uncool...

kueperpunk: Sich mit virtuellen Welten zu beschäftigen ist ja so uncool...

May 21, 2011


This is about AOs - animation overriders… one of my pet peeves in SL…

I have maybe 25 or 30 AOs in my inventory, all collected and tried within the last >3 years. Vista, Oracul, whatever brand it was that I stumbled across in forums, or on XStreet/Marketplace or in Malls and looked good in the first moment, I did buy. I'd rather not want to know how many L$ I wasted for them.
"Wasted?", you ask.
Yes - because I just stick with the (free) OpenCollar Sub AO until I find one with natural looking moves that matches my persona, so that I can say "That one is so me!"...
With the other, rather expensive ones, my avatar behaves like an overly nervous or overly sex-driven insecure kid, or like someone on speed, or like someone who has to go pee but can't, et cetera pp. My avatar simply does not move appropriate with them.

AO-maker of all brands: I don't want my avatars to move like a sex-driven insecure kid on speed on top of caffeine with a week bladder: I want them to move like an adult woman who knows what she's doing - and with an AO matching my persona (which is usually rather calm despite me being a caffeine-junkie)!
If I wanted to double-up or pace around or throw my hair around or bend my knees or present my tits or dance around or kick the air, I would do that even if I had to select those damn anims from a folder.
But I don't usually pace around walking holes in the floor, I don't usually dance while talking to others, I don't usually do knee-bends or martial art kicks while building, and especially I don't usually shift from one leg to the other like I had to pee (unless I really have to) or mess around with my hair every few seconds - so I don't want to see any of these animations in an AO I want to buy!

Here's a challenge, you AO makers:
Go out into RL for a while, and watch the real people out there, how they walk, stand, sit, lay etc. -- and not those in cartoons and animes or on the catwalk where they move exaggeratingly anyways.
Rather go and watch the people in the streets, in the parks, in the cafes and Malls. The REAL people. See how they move while standing around talking, while walking, while presenting and building things, while sitting on park benches and cafe chairs, while laying or sitting on meadows, beaches - even on the hard asphalt.
Do they move as if they were wearing one of your AOs? I bet they don't. I even bet none of the real people out there move as if they were wearing one of your AOs.
So how the heck did you get the idea of putting THESE anims in there?
Do you think they're cute? I tell you: you have no idea what cute even means.
Do you think they're sexy? Watch real people moving, you'll see what sexy moves really are, and when they become simply stupid and annoying.
Do you think they represent dominance or submission, or strength or meekness? Maybe they do in your cartoons and animes, but not in RL.
So go out into RL for a while. Go watch the real people, watch them closely how they move. Study them. Study them all - no matter if it's the rich diva shopping with her chihuahua, or the soccer mom, or that teenie over there with the skateboard, or the cashier during her break, or the broker on the way home, or the waiter/waitress, or the high school students at McD, or that old-ish ragged person with the shopping cart full of bags, or the university student there in the park tanning her face while sitting on that bench, or the officer in the recruitment office, or that obvious loser who scuffle their feet along the street. Watch your family and your friends, your colleagues and customers/clients and bosses. WATCH THEM ALL, AND STUDY THEIR MOVES. Study even their subconscious moves, all their gestures, the way they walk or stand or sit or lay, or shift their body or tilt their head, watch their entire body language in everything they do.
And THEN build your animations and AOs from what you learned from studying them.

Yes, maybe I do have some too high expectations, but all I want is AOs with NATURALLY LOOKING moves and animations in them.

May 8, 2011

some thoughts about disability in SL

in the previous post I mentioned a friend who spends much of her time to create things for the disabled.

Now since I started to spend some of my time online with a handicapped avatar myself - and I've learned a lot about how people react on some disabilities - I also wondered about the reasons why people in general use handicapped avatars.
It's gonna be long, so there is a short "TL'DR" summary at the end. :)

As I said, I used it to learn about the reactions. One of my characters in "a" story of mine (I don't know yet if this character gets involved in "Mirror Visions part 2" or in another story) is an armless girl, with just little stumps for arms. So, I created an avatar after her.
No, I haven't been active in the Virtual Ability community with her, and at no other amputee places either (though I did visit Club Accessible more often than not), and I also didn't openly pretend to be such handicapped: I even did play a role in a normal town RP, and (using the famous Jessica Cox as a shiny example for an armless person's ability to drive a car (and even to fly an airplane!)), sweet even drove the taxi and the bus there. Who said that handicapped people have no useful ability at all? Or that they have to be considered "dis-abled"?

Anyways: one dear friend of mine is an amputee in RL, and she admitted that it hurt her to see her avatar NOT mirroring her own handicap. She said "I just couldn't stand seeing this avatar with two legs, and then looking at my own stump on the chair below the keyboard" - thus, her avatar very quickly became an amputee like her RL self. Others I've met thanks to the connections of my alt and this friend have been likewise: the handicap of their avatars mirror the handicaps of their RL bodies - no matter if it's the wheelchair, amputation stumps of all sorts, prostheses, braces, thick glasses - or even a scripted seeing-eye dog.

But, not all handicapped people are like them. Many many more with RL handicap don't even consider to mirror their RL handicaps into SL at all. Since everyone can be what ever they want or dream to be, many handicapped people rather prefer to use a "normal", non-handicapped avatar. You'll never know that they are handicapped until they tell you if you meet them at places like Virtual Ability, Club Accessible or others. Maybe the avatar you dance with at the moment, or that escort/dancer on that stage, or your friendly newbie mentor, or the newbie you teach something, or or the kajira in your furs, or the Master you serve in SL actually is a handicapped person in RL? Who knows?

Though - like my alt, not all handicapped avatars are steered by real handicapped people.
"Why that?", you may ask. "Why in all world would someone even want to use a handicapped avatar if they have no handicap in RL?" Well, I'd answer with a grin: "Simply because they can."

Some, for example, do it for role-play reasons.
Whether it's because their RP character gets mutilated during a role-play scenario (like, when thieves get their hand chopped off, or a shark eats the seaman's leg, or someone gets blinded), or because they play a somehow handicapped person within an RP - for them it's important to stay in that role as plausibly and consequently as possible to follow the continuity of their RP. If you want to play your role well, you just play out all consequences of whatever happens to your role, even if it means that your character is handicapped from one RP night on.
Others for example use steam-powered prostheses for their avatars in a steampunk surrounding, or walk around as cyborgs - part human, part machine (which again means that the human part would  be massively handicapped without the machine part), so they just as well play a handicapped person, but aren't handicapped for real.

Well, as I  stated above, my own alt sweet was created based on a character in my own stories, who is a bilateral arm amputee.
I thought it would have been way too personal to ask a real amputee about their feelings on how others react on them, or how they struggle with such rather non-technical details like: "do I dress this so that my stump(s) can be seen, or rather that to hide it(them)? Which prosthesis goes with which outfit, or will I rather go without? And if I go without, will others think I'm ugly?" I know that's an entire different quality of questions than asking how they'll cope with the everyday obstacles that appear with having stumps or prostheses for arms or legs (or without ability to see or hear) anyways. And I wanted to have my personal POV on it. Thus, sweet was born.
With my alt sweet, I am a rather normal girl who just happens to have stumps instead of arms. And strangely, at most places, people don't even realize sweet's handicap unless I ask them, for example, to open a door (I use RLV  with my alt, and disabled "far touch" ), or unless they see me go unusually close to vendors to touch them ("with my feet"), or unless they wonder why my avatar never shows such arm  animations, like when others run their hands through their own hair or point at things and so on.  But when they finally realize it (which, in Koeln, even took more than an hour) then it's like "WOW, she doesn't have any arms!" - and then the different reactions begin, which others whose handicaps are much more obvious usually have to deal with immediately.

It's really interesting to experience all these reactions, both positive and negative - though some reactions are really bothersome. That's the reactions and comments of the "devotees".

Who or what are "devotees" now, and what do they have to do with this topic?
That's a word for those who feel mainly attracted to handicapped people. Like some of us prefer brunettes or tall people, "devotees" prefer people who have one specific handicap - and for some few of them, this handicap can't be specific enough.
Like for example your ideal beauty may be "a 5ft5inch-tall tomboyish girl with shoulder-long red hair, brown eyes and freckles and a fiercy but submissive character", the ideal beauty of a devotee could be for example "a nice blonde, slim, not too tall woman with two equally 3 inch long, nicely rounded arm stumps and with the scars nicely removed and with ..." - you get the point.
A woman can be thus nice, blonde, slim, not too tall - can even have bilateral arm amputations, but if only one of her stumps is longer or shorter than those 3 inches, she isn't attractive for them.
That's the reason why there are some devotees in SL who create their avatars so that they become their own ideal beauty.

Then,  there are those who suffer from BIID, Body Integrity Identity Disorder, a condition which is quite the opposite to the phantom limbs amputees suffer from: They feel that one - or several - of their limbs, despite being attached  to their bodies and being fully functional, are "not really a part of their body".
You can compare that to having, for example, a second set of fully functional arms attached to your body: you would realize them as being too much, as disturbing attachments that always get into the way, as being "not really parts of your body" as well. So, of course you would wish they simply weren't there. Some of you might have the desire to be without those arms #3 and #4 entirely. You would pretend that this set of extra arms simply weren't there, you would bind them up or keep them underneath your clothes so you couldn't use them even by reflex (thus, being what is called a "pretender"), and the more daring ones of you would go all ways to finally get them removed at all costs, even by risking your health trying (thus, becoming a "wannabe").
And of course, the Hippocratic Oath and other ethic agreements forbid surgeons to remove healthy limbs (especially if you only have as many limbs as the average person), so these people are bound to suffer from this desire for their entire life, unless they finally manage to somehow get the disturbing limb removed.
In SL though, at least their avatars can look how they feel their own body should look like - with the disturbing limb(s) being removed, or the disturbing ability taken away. Their desires come true - at least virtually.

TL'DR: Handicapped avatars can be (a) people who mirror their own RL handicaps, (b) role-players who just play their role as plausible as possible, (c) devotees who use their avatar as object of their own desire, or (d) people who suffer from BIID.

Based on the people I've met, I'd dare say that those who belong to category (a) are the biggest of the groups, then comes (b) and (d), and then, as a tiny minority: (c).

So, whenever you see a handicapped avatar - don't treat them badly: they probably have the same handicap in RL.

So much to post, so little time

Where to begin?
Ah yes, what have I done since my last post here? Well, I've been busy. A lot.

Firstly: I built another version of the Shop Ship (and remade the logo).

My business partner Gorkie had a moment of "no sense in keeping all this boring stuff" and took all SLC and VIVIANE Fashion vendors down, leaving the Shop Ship nearly empty. So I started to talk some sense into her, and even built a bigger ship: a 70m long, 35m wide catamaran, with 4 floors to fill.
Then, we removed everything from our land sweetgorkie Island, and I put the new Shop Ship, and another house there - of course the big medieval well and its smaller brother found their place, too.
Now, visitors of our land arrive on a kind of a kind of L-shaped landing dock, and have to walk alongside the ship to reach our house. :P
This is the Shop Ship as seen from the Linden Sea. The wall at the left and behind belongs to one neighbor's Japan-themed parcel. If you look closely, you will see that the landing dock in front of the Shop Ship directly leads to the Big Medieval Well which is shadowed by that wall. And yes, the tiny figure there on the dock is me :)
The palms and beach behind the ship belongs to another neighbor who lives on the corner piece of the sim and obviously prefers to be left in peace, as the ban lines are showing.
Here it's me near the TP point, and we see the Shop Ship from the front, with the loading/entrance gate open. It clearly can be seen that it is a catamaran, that it has four floors above the water surface, and that it's even bigger than my house on the left... The tree house though in the background left belongs to that neighbor on the corner parcel.
Through  the gate of the ship, you can see the new logo of my shop to the right, and the vendors of VIVIANE Fashion in the background. 
The thing stuck in the floor is a VIRWOX™ vendor that I couldn't move due to permissions of VIRWOX's own avatar - but, I'll have it repositioned shortly.
When I made this screenshot, the second floor wasn't entirely filled yet, that's why it looks like empty here. 
The third floor which also looks empty on this screenshot will soon be filled with the products and/or vendors of a friend of my Mistress, the marvelous, multi-talented creator Haven Ditko. I know a small part of her products already because i was allowed to help create vendor pics for her some months ago, upon a favor i did for my Mistress. Miss Haven has created lots of heart-warming, beautiful and wonderfully scripted and sculpted garden and fantasy stuff - and that was even before she added even more to her shown talents, like animations, photography and so on. I wish I were as talented a content creator as she is. *sigh*

Here another look on the first floor of the Shop Ship, shot from where a few of my Virwox vendors are standing.:
Yes, I renamed my own shop to "Gem's Timber Works", because most things I build are either mainly made of wood (according to the textures), or have parts made of wood - and timber is another word for it.
You see that there are a lot of "VIVIANE Fashion" vendors in the background now. I know it's many more than ever had place in and around the former version of the Shop Ship. I think it's three times as many - on this floor alone.
Here I stand in the back of the ship, near its backside terrace door. You see here  that the Shop Ship is really big. No complains about "to narrow aisles" and "cam problems while shopping" anymore. And with 5m height, the floor is also high enough I think. The only problem while shopping on board of the Shop Ship ought to be the huge selection of products now. On either side of the center stairway, there are shoes - heels on one side, sneakers on the other.

Here's a look on the second floor now:
You see, there is an entire hair shop now in the front: matching the name of the parcel, sweetgorkie Island, it's sWEET HAIRs which has been chosen as franchise partner. It's one of the handful hair designers where you can buy really life-like flexi hair of nearly all styles and colors.
And, there's even more of VIVIANE in the back of this floor.

As already mentioned, the third floor will be filled with Haven's vendors soon (and maybe with added vendors by other creators of a similar theme).

The fourth floor of the Shop Ship though is being furnished as a club. There'll be no vendor at all on that floor, just the dance machines and the DJ desk that are already there, plus some chairs and tables to rest from dancing or shopping.
Miss Haven sponsored one of these dance machines, while the other one, a dance machine for handicapped avatars, was sponsored by a friend of Gorkie, Alexis Odger - who devotes much of her time and creative talents to help disabled residents both to run SL despite their handicaps, and to mirror their RL handicaps in SL - some rather prefer to see their avatars as handicapped as they are in RL.

So that's about what I've done in SL so far - aside of serving my Mistress, working on new products for my own shop, learning, and having fun with my friends...

In RL though, I still work on writing part 2 of "Mirror Visions". I currently battle with myself about entirely giving up the illustrating part - somehow I never am satisfied enough with pictures intended to become illustrations for my story. And I have the nagging feeling that a huge deal of the current two chapters rather fits into an alternative plot than into the storyline originally planned for this book.
But such things can happen when one lets the characters decide where they want to go...

Mar 18, 2011

One Big Blond Moment: So what now?

One Big Blond Moment: So what now?: "It's definitely been a chaotic couple of weeks to say the least. Sometimes I take a step back and look at the big picture, and I think..."

Mar 14, 2011

Musings About Getting Immersion

..., or: a reminder to dear memories...

A few days ago, I found a very great and profound article in Adam Zadeh's wonderful blog Gorean Wines:

Try this at home or "so you wanna be a kajira"

In my journeys though out Second Life I have heard again and again the same lament.  My boyfriend/husband/significant other does not/will  understand my need to explore my submissive side.  So they start to explore this need via virtual reality programs like SL or via "relationship" sites like Collar Me, and the much superior Fet Life - where at least you can learn something.  

I personally see no harm in this.  However I have always argued that unless you experience some of these things in reality, you have no idea what it feels like.   Your reactions will be much more realistic in the game if your mind has an idea of what it would be liked to be flogged.  To be tied up or to be forced to do things.  This little article is not geared towards those of us in the lifestyle (Gorean or otherwise) but towards those that are "newbie's" to BDSM.

Some of these little exercises may make you smile, but each is designed to "give you a taste" of what a slave on Gor may have experienced in their day to day lives. [read more...]
Though I wouldn't call SL a game (I think i mentioned that already somewhere) I  think this article is a really great read for everyone who wants to be - or just play - a slave in SL.
What exercises are what he writes about? Well, duh - things you see each kajira or slave girl doing in SL.. Things like: trying the slave positions, trying how it feels to wear a collar, trying to be mindful in your acts - and a few more. And he is right, it does add realism and plausibility to your acts in the realms of SL, other virtual worlds - or even chatrooms.
These are only suggestions, how you meet your desires is up to you....but the journey there is full of wonderful surprises.
And that is something I totally can admit.Kudos to such an insightful blog and such a great article.

But this article very much reminded me of my own way to become a slave in SL, and also of a post I wrote long time ago:
Gem's blog: a few thoughts about being a slave: "I consider myself a slave, slave of Mistress Lexi Leiner , Her property. A slave with privileges though, but nonetheless a slave.  You might..."

Mar 11, 2011

My stance on RZ and others

Instead of publishing the last pending comment, I want to make MY stance on it.
Yes I do read it that RedZone etc are indeed violating the SL TOS.
And I doubt that Soft Linden's statement in the JIRA was just his own private opinion:

Soft Linden commented on VWR-24746:

Hey, all. I got the go-ahead to give an update on zF Red Zone specifically. Again, thank you for the ARs with specific info about violations. These have been very helpful for letting Lindens know what's going on.

Tuesday morning, we removed zF Red Zone from the Marketplace for a second time. We removed the in-world vendor distributing the item as well. We determined that zF Red Zone was still in violation of our Terms of Service and Community Standards.

We asked for removal by no later than today of all zF Red Zone functionality that discloses any alternate account names. That is, even if consent is asked, the service may not act on the consent. In addition, we asked for removal by no later than Friday of the interface for and any remaining implementation of the zF Red Zone consent mechanism because it does not comply with our policies. If these updates are not made, we will take appropriate steps to remedy the violations.

As before, we appreciate your help in keeping an eye on content. If you find that any merchant's product is not in compliance with our TOS or our Community Standards, please file an abuse report about the product. Do this even if you filed against a previous version. Include a specific explanation of what you believe is a violation, and ideally select and report the in-world object at issue in case it behaves differently than what's in the Marketplace. Before reporting, make sure you have first-hand knowledge of the issue. Support can best react if you explain specific steps to reproduce or confirm a violation.
»WE determined that zF Red Zone was still in violation of our Terms of Service and Community Standards.« Not »I thought that...«, or »I guessed that...«
»WE« - i.e. Linden Lab. As I see it, there is nothing to misunderstand.

Nonetheless, here is MY stance:
  • Simply because something that's morally and/or legally WRONG can be done easily, doesn't make it morally and/or legally RIGHT. TOS violation is TOS violation, no matter how easy it is done - and there's only black or white: respecting the TOS or disrespecting it.
  • And a system that spies data from my computer without my permission - unlike when I "permit" it, or rather hand my data over by deliberately trying to get access to a website or server - such a system CAN, but doesn't HAVE TO, be installed on my computer, but nonetheless it's SPYWARE, hence not legal.

Is it easily possible to spy my momentary IP address by using Media stream? Yes it is. If I wanted, I even could get your IP address by using my pictures here.
Is it easily possible to get my avatar name and key inworld? Yes of course. As easy as getting your blog user names and blog ID here.
Is it easily possible to connect my avatar name to the IP address I use at that moment? Yes of course.
Is it easily possible to add time stamps to that connected info, and to create a list? Why,  of course.
Is it easily possible to check the collected IP addresses and names against other avatar names and -keys on such a list? Yes it is. You don't even need an SQL database for it, an XLS (or ODS) list is enough.

Does anyone have the right to do that UNLESS I explicitely allow this media stream, unless I deliberately go to their website? Of course not.
Does anyone in SL has the right to spy on me? No of course not. Just like a forum user has no right to spy on other forum users. Just like your neighbour has no right to spy on you.
Does anyone have the right to put an IP sniffing tool where one would expect a media stream?  No.
Does anyone have the right to try to find out ANY RL information, even including IP address, MAC address, browser etc of others who are not users of their OWN webspace? Or even to create a database about this info? No, of course not.

So, whether it's Quickware or RedZone, or CDS, or any other alt-"detecting" system, any such Stasi tools don't belong into Second Life and should be banned immediately, together with their creators. I don't need any wannabe Stasi loners in SL. I had enough of them in RL.

Even though this following pic belongs to a different issue, I think it's not so much off-topic here:

Mar 10, 2011

An Open Letterto the Phoenix Team

To the viewer team who stated their stance in the RedZone/Spyware matter were NEUTRAL

You seem to miss the point that one cannot be neutral about violation of the TOS. There is only either right or wrong, either respecting the TOS or violating it. To compare it with RL laws: There's only either innocent or criminal.

Either one respects the TOS (in comparison: abides by the law), then RedZone and every other similar tool is absolutely inacceptable -- or you are for RedZone et al, but then you don't mind violating the TOS (in comparison: you don't mind breaking the law).

The TOS clearly states that
8.3 You agree that you will not post or transmit Content or code that may […] invade other users' privacy, or surreptitiously or negatively impact any system or network.

You agree to respect both the integrity of the Service and the privacy of other users. You will not:

(i) Post or transmit viruses, Trojan horses, worms, spyware, […], or other computer programming routines that may harm the Service or interests or rights of other users, or that may harvest or collect any data or personal information about other users without their consent;

The Community Standards also state:
Residents are entitled to a reasonable level of privacy with regard to their Second Life experience. Sharing personal information about your fellow Residents without their consent -- […] beyond what is provided by them in their Resident profile -- is not allowed.

Soft Linden  wrote that
[…] if you see one of his resale vendors, you should Abuse Report
the vendor's owner. File the AR against the object's owner whether the vendor is
owned by the creator, an alt of the creator, or set out by others for
commission. For the AR type, select "Harassment->Soliciting/Inciting others to
Violate ToS." Feel free to add a link to this comment.

It is absolutely clear, there is nothing to be misinterpreted: LL is considering such spy tools as against the TOS. They took a stance, while you back off, because you don't want to be split apart. For an undisrupted work on the viewer and its successor, you are ignoring that there are some violators of the TOS in your team. In this subject, there is only EITHER one side OR the other. Either TOS or RedZone et al.

Hasn't the team of the predecessor of this viewer had enough trouble with people within who didn't mind violating the TOS? Don't anyone of you remember EmeraldGate - which was caused by a few in the team who violated the TOS, plus by the others who remained neutral?
Please don't  make that mistake again and let a "PhoenixGate" be created over it. Being the most-used third-party viewer in SL, the Phoenix can't afford that.
Do make a decision AS A TEAM, even if it means to have to let a few go. Decide AS A TEAM to be either for the ToS or for the spy tools, and do take a stance.

eighthdwarf Checchinato
Phoenix user from the beginning, Firestorm user
- and before the rise of Phoenix: Emerald user

Mar 8, 2011

New Works in Progress, and a statement

I have 2 things I'm currently working at in regards to SL - and a couple things I'm working at in RL.
The ones for SL are quite ambitious - one because I need to collect correct translations before I make the final version and load it up to the SL Marketplace, the other one because of its size and details.

First the 1prim thing, or rather a texture with a statement:

Yes, it is entirely about the ongoing "war" on privacy-invading spy tools in SL that almost is splitting the SL community apart. Tools like RedZone, CDS, theQuickware Alt Detector and others.
Those who use these tools argue that they have the right to protect their land from griefers and copybotters plus their alts -  while those who don't condone these tools argue that they are invading everyone's privacy even more than the groping TSA guys. 

To all Alt Detection System users out there: It's nobody's business except Linden Lab's whether someone has alts or not, or how many, or what's their names are, and what they do. And you can't detect alts anyways by sneeking their IP: otherwise, everyone using a Hotspot at a cafe or station, or everyone in a company or university network, or everyone in a wi-fi sharing neighborhood, or everyone in an apartment with more than one computer would be each other's alt. And what about dynamic addresses? Is Avatar "X" the alt of avatar "Y" simply because X had the same IP yesterday that Y has today? Even if it's only one computer being used: is the SL account of X who is the RL roommate, or a family member or a guest of Y, and logging in from Y's computer, necessarily Y's alt account? Nope. Same IP is not equal to same account owner.

As I stated last week on SLU:
I have never used - and will never use - RedZone, CDS, or any other spyware thingy on my land. Or on land of any alt of mine.
I have my own private rl reasons from the past to be completely against such STASI tools.
I don't support them, and I don't support anyone who uses them by spending my time and L$ on their land.

I respect the privacy of anyone I meet and anyone who comes to my land.

eighthdwarf Checchinato
March 03, 2011 (4:14am)
Yes, I learned my lesson about privacy and disclosing of private info well. 

Ok, the other thing i'm working on is a boat, or rather a ship, my Catamaran Yacht "Jewel of the Seas":


I'll still need to rebuild some of the things as sculpts, but as of yet it's look is more or less what I hoped for it. And as the last picture shows, it is quite big :) Actually, it's just over 81m (266ft) long, 32m (105ft) wide, and each deck is 4m (13ft) high. As far as I know, no RL ship looks like my yacht, though I have seen huge cruise ships with the name "Jewel of the Seas"

My RL work in progress is quite more time- consuming: I'm working on volume two of my not-yet-published book, on illustrations for both books, and on a graphic novel - together with the child book author Benjamin Nover - that is supposed to become a book for grown-ups.

So, everyone who wondered why I am online for only short time, and why my alt Lady Alexandra hasn't been on SL-Gor anymore for a long while, and why i'm mostly busy when being online and not with my Mistress - that's why.

Feb 21, 2011


(© Lyra Lestrange, - with friendly permission)

I am a hunter - and I represent a part of the prey as well :)

At the SLinside Helau & Alaaf Hunt,  a carnival related gift hunt that started on Saturday (Feb 19th) and goes on to March 9th, the Shop Ship is #16 of 56 shops that are to be visited to gather the gifts. These gifts are packed into balloon animals which are hidden somewhere in these shops.

see also → here

To hide the Shop Ship gift, I put dozens of balloons in any accessable and/or visible room in and on the Shop Ship *grin*

 Those who open our hunt gift will be surprised: Aside of gifts related to the hunt theme (made both by me and Gorkie), there is also an item in it I haven't even offered to sale YET.

So, why do I post this today, belatedly as the hunt started two days ago?
Why, that's easy: I wanted to use the hunter picture above as a starter for my post - and waited for the permission to use it. Thank you once again, Belsina.

Jan 6, 2011

A Promotion, and News from the Shop Ship

While I made my display name Gem out of a compromise (my slave name, plus upper case for role play reasons) I wondered all the time what my Mistress would say about that. Since Display names can only be changed once a week, I then wanted to change it to gem, lower case, in Her presence, to show my slave status. But my Mistress objected. She even asked if I would want to argue with Her. Of course not. So, my display name stays upper case, and my blog is renamed likewise, and my shop as well :)

Speaking of the shop: the shop ship becomes more and more serious business.
It has it's own logo,

my part in it has it's own shop banner,

(I'm still working on a square logo to advertize only my products too)

and I changed the look of my ad images as well.
from (for example) this:

to THIS look:

Plus, Gorkie uses a Web Ad service to help us advertize both our shops: her SLC  Franchise, and my builds :)
I'm glad that my Mistress gives me enough lenience to let me run my business, to try make Her proud in all things I do.

Jan 2, 2011

Pathfinder's Prediction

My Prediction for Virtual Worlds in 2011

At the end of each calendar year, it’s common for people to offer up their predictions for the new year ahead.
Such predictions are fun to make and fun to read.  Since I mostly swim in the waters of online communities and virtual worlds, most of the predictions I come across have to do with the future of technology.
I have a prediction for the coming year.  And while my prediction involves the technology landscape of virtual worlds, what I predict will happen actually has nothing to do with technology.


Jan 1, 2011

2011 has begun…

 … and of course I made some resolutions for this year, things I want to work on
  • writing, writing, writing - to finish the projects i began, and start new ones.
  • working on my drawing and picture editing skills - and finish the illustrating projects i began
  • building more things in  SL - to let my "~ gem's ~" shop grow, not only in turnover, but also in product number and product range
  • and despite of the above: more activities outdoors - or at least away from a computer or sketchbook
I wish you all the power, patience and endurance to work on the tasks you resolved for this year, and I wish everyone in both, the biological and the digital worlds, as much happiness, health, success, and peace as possible.
May 2011 be one of your best years in life!

Dec 24, 2010

Unfree, no matter what

In the blog Unfrei, which is written by a really devoted Gorean Kajira roleplayer, I just read a quotation that made me smile.
Can you truly give up the things you need to, to be someone's slave? Would you put yourself last, or even second? If you want something, and you are denied it… can you let it go and trust that it was for the best? Can you learn, relearn, and train even when you feel like it's hopeless? Will you still be a slave, and think of others when your mood sucks? Will you still be a slave even as tears course down your cheeks while you are punished or reprimanded? Will you still feel like being a slave when you are told he doesn't want to have you near him right now? Will you still feel like a slave if he does not touch you when you wish, but when he wishes…. Will you still want to be a slave as you toss and turn at night, your desires unmet because he said no? Will you still want to be a Gorean slave when he decides to give someone else the attention you think you deserve or that you crave?
I realized that I can  answer these questions (even though i would have to replace Master with Mistress, he with she, and discard the word Gorean), all these questions happily with  YES, YES, YES!!!
Since May 08, I've already shown that I am the slave of my Mistress no matter what, and willingly so, andt I will show anytime again that I can do it, that I not only can be, but already and for ever am, for better or worse, my Mistress' slave. - until She decides to disown me.
One last question...
How romantic does slavery sound now?
It doesn't sound romantic at all, that's true. But for me, it feels just right!

Merry Christmas my dear Mistress, and my dear few readers.

Dec 22, 2010

Phoenix Viewer Blog: Final Major Release!

Phoenix Viewer Blog: Final Major Release!: "It's finally here! As promised.. a Christmas Release! Our final major release version 818. \o/ A few things to note... We are no longer pr..."

Dec 10, 2010

a poll and a hunt

Ten days ago I posted in a forum that only a minority would use the viewer 2.x One user asked for proof, like posts and polls and so on. I searched and found only polls from before "Emeraldgate", before the Emerald viewer was forbidden by reason.
The successors Emergence and Phoenix, viewers made by the honest remnants of the former Emerald team, have been unknown at the point of these older polls and surveys. SO I made my own one which closed two days ago .

The result - despite the poll hasn't got as many responders as I hoped - was what I expected. A little over 1/3 of the participants are using Viewer 2, just under 2/3 are using another viewer (viewer 1-based, or "Hybrid" viewers = viewer 1- based, with functions of viewer 2 but the UI of viewer 1.x), and the Phoenix Viewer is the most used one.

A hunt - or rather the SLinside Adventkalender - is happening on my new place today.
"Gem's and Gorkie's Shop Ship" is the place where the visitors can find a little gift until midnight (and maybe until tomorrow morning).

Here's a view inside, from in front of my vendor

My friend Gorkie and I did everything to let winter appear on the place for this one day.

Nov 6, 2010

Reviving the blog (?)

Yes I did neglect this blog, and I was too busy elsewhere.

Actually I am busy writing and drawing, means as long as I am not suffering a creativity block.
I finished "Mirror Visions, Volume 1", which is effectively the same character names and places as in "Involuntary Females", but within an entirely re-written story plot, changed to match a teenage and young adult audience.
I uploaded the prologue and the first chapter as excerpts to my deviantArt account.

In October, I was at the Frankfurt Book Fair, with the help of a friend of mine (you usually only can enter this fair if you are either a published author, an illustrator, or working at a publishers already). And I gave about a dozen of excerpts to about a dozen publishers - including big publishing companies, Random House included. Maybe I'm lucky.
There was though one company that had a similar name to one of the list of publishers I wanted to visit… I later learned that this one was a vanity publisher. At the end of last month I got an offer by them: if I pay between 4.600 and 10.400 Euro (depending on the publishing model) they will publish my book.
Hm. I think I'll never have this amount of money - and if i had, I'd pay other depts with it rather than having my story printed. :P


In SL, many things have changed, and many things stayed the same…
EmeraldGate went through all blogs and forums, so I won't mention it any further here - BUT: I lost good friends because of it, people who I thought were less… hm… irresponsible? Anyway
Precious isn't anymore with me, she's not my slave anymore. I learned that I totally failed at being a Mistress. I may be good at being First Girl (that has to be decided by my Mistress though) but as a Mistress on my own, I'm on the wrong place. Nonetheless, Misty admitted that she had learned much - and she will always remain my dear precious sister.
Both of us made mistakes when she was my girl, which led to our breaking up - but we buried our grudges and forgave each other. We once shared one chain, after all. :)

I still am the slave of my Mistress, Jona's Isle, my piece of land, is now on one of Her sims - and W/we enjoy the rare time W/we can spend together. rare because different time zones and our real lives that we also have to pay our tributes.
Alex, my Gorean Alt, is currently "on pilgrimage" - though mostly on limbo, because I simply have not the time to log-in as her as well. But WHEN I have the time, I visit the different towns in SL Gor, maybe finding another place for a Homestone.

Another alt is shaped a way neither fitiing to my Eighthdwarf nor to my Alex activities: she's handicapped, just like Jona in the former "Involuntary Females" story. Thus I met Gorkie, a one-legged person who is one-legged in RL too. Currently I help her by having built a ship at my island, where she could place her shop into. It was some work to build the trust into her that I won't throw her out, or count each prim she uses, like one "friend" of her did where she had her little shop before. She's a really nice person, and I don't want to miss her.
It's really marvelous to have a friend around who is not into D/s nor treating me as a slave or a Mistress. Actually Gorkie is as loving as my Mistress, just that she and i treat each other on an equal level.

Good bye old old Jona's Isle

Good bye old (though newer) Jona's Isle

Welcome new Gem's Island

Nov 23, 2009

a little summary, and musings about privacy, ponyplay, Gor and Alts

I'd love to give a summary of what happened between my Mistress and i, what happened with "miss", what led to precious throw in and submit to me... And I know those who know me would love to know these reasons too. But ...
But as I have been in trouble because I talked too much once, I have promised to not mention anything about my Mistress' RL even if that's the only way to explain things happening in SL, nor anything that can (read by the wrong people) cause Her harm and drama. I think there's enough drama in RL, and we don't need that in SL as well.

Anyways, I'm still the slave of my Mistress even though we're not together anymore on a daily base in SL, we still share secrets with each other, and to see Her Dominant friends wiggle around me, Her girl, trying to get even a little information about Her is just funny. Gosh I love to act as Her "Vorzimmerdrachen": the receptionist who makes clear that her boss gets as much privacy as possible, the secretary who only lets people pass who are invited by her boss on a whim.

And precious and I get along well, though I more and more realize that I am not made to be a Domme.. I do teach her and I do lead her, but we're OOC about half of the time, and as a Mistress I should be much less lenient than I am.
Precious told me in her "Limits and Wishes" notecard that she liked to see what it is to be a pony girl. Since I have no clue about that topic myself, I made sure she applied at the training center at the Frilly Filly Farm. Well even though I am taken aback a bit, thinking of my girl to be trained by someone else in general - and as a pony girl in special, I think it may be a good experience for her and will lead to a better understanding about what obedience means to a slave. And there's the saying after all: Be careful what you wish for - it may come true.

As mentioned before, I live now on my precious' land, as a subtenant so to speak. It's called Jona's Isle, named after the character Jona from my story. It's an island on 1/4 homestead sim, and I used up almost all 936 prims there - for two houses, a tent, some trees and 2 ships and a drawbridge towards the 1/4 sim which is our normal home: Labyrinth, the home of precious. Jona's Isle looks a bit like a Gorean smugglers nest, and that is intentionally. I do hope that it is visited by some Gorean friends as an outlet for roleplay, or to relax in a environment looking a bit like their home.
Though I do love the other part too, the quarter where my precious has built her home, I do have the ambition to make this island look perfect. When I am with my precious, we use the entire half of the sim - though the main villa on Labyrinth tends to be deserted most of the time. So many plans and so little time to make new friends and invite them over :D

Why did I make Jona's Island look Gor-like, and why do I have so many Gorean friends since I talked about BDSM only? well, I do have an Alt (alternative account) role-playing in SL-Gor. She's a Scribe - which is one of the highest castes (a kind of guild) on Gor, the caste of scholars and scientists, accountants and clerks. And with this Alt I have a lot of friends both in the town I play in (her Home Stone) and elsewhere in SL-Gor. And I must say even though I would not wish for Gorean conditions here on Earth, I like this roleplay, and it is challenging. And the roleplay did actually improve my writing as much as the critiques in the writing forums.
And, between pentecost and a few weeks ago, I had a break from roleplay. Even though I had managed it then to have time for working at the newbie area, for role-playing, and for serving my Mistress, I needed a break from roleplay, so my Alt was pausing, I was in SL only with this my main account. But I started to miss the RP, so this month I decided to let my Gorean character return to her Home Stone - with a background story: my character spent the time on Jona's Island, using a false identity as a merchant's Free Companion.

My Mistress knows my Alt, just like I know the Alts of all my closest friends - and it was a strange feeling to talk to my Mistress on an equal base, though we made it like our girl-to-girl talks - but it became even stranger and more challenging when she started to pretend to be a kajira when I was dressed as a Gorean Free Woman.
I admit, I don't really like to see my Mistress at my feet, somehow I can't differ OOC from IC then: She is my Mistress after all, no matter how both of us are dressed.
And I realized, no matter which avatar I use - if I am gem or my Alt, in my perception my Mistress will always be my Mistress. It's the human behind her avatar who I submitted to, not her avatar.

Nov 7, 2009

been a busy bee

It may seem that I haven't done anything at all, since my last post was a few months ago.
But I was busy in RL for a while, writing.
Here are the links to the PDF-files of the English and the German version of the script to the story "Involuntary Females", as far as it goes by now (38 scenes). Once I am finished, I'll re-work them into novel form.

Onyx is now with me, though I call her precious now. Unfortunately she couldn't go well with my Mistress, so she eventually threw her collar in - but she din't want to get out of the position of a slave and she trusted me very very much... and I love her to pieces, so I finally stopped resisting her submission to me, despite I feel more as a slave than a Dominant. But I must say it is a challenging experience to teach and to lead for a change. If I wouldn't serve my Mistress whenever I can, I didn't know where to get the power and inspiration from to teach and lead Precious.
Anyway, even though my Mistress doesn't like the fact that I act as a switch now, and especially doesn't like the fact that precious is now my girl, I still try to make Her proud by doing as She taught me, by taking Her as shiny example.

Sep 5, 2009

A third jewel - and a Lioness fights for Her pups

Our little family has grown bigger. Dream, who came into SL about 6 or 7 weeks ago, submitted to Mistress a few days ago. After the first time Dream met Mistress, Mistress asked us (onyx and me) to friend her, and to try explain her the M/s lifestyle.
Well we did begin to explain it to her, and Dream stated that she would like to be like us.
Then, a few days ago, Dream came to the place where we girls were kneeling before Mistress, more exactly: Mistress asked onyx to tp Dream to her. Without thinking i greeted her as "Miss Dream" (damn habits, calling everyone Miss or Sir), and short time later i gave her the tower animation that she could kneel before Mistress to submit to Her. After Mistress spoke to her and short before she was accepted by Her, Dream asked me to not call her miss anymore (yes, the word with lower case letters) - so Mistress asked her if she would dislike to be called miss. Dream answered yes, so Mistress decided that Dream's new slave name would be miss now, much to her dismay.
Actually i do hope that miss will be her name only temporary, that she will get a jewel name like the names of onyx or me, but it's up to Mistress whether or not She decides for one.
Onyx then was sent to go with her buy her our slave uniform, then all 4 of U/us went to the Open Collar place to get a collar and the AO for our new sister.

While waiting there, onyx tried to talk a bit to someone else's slave, but her Master waited with his complaint until W/we were outside the most crowded place, then addressed Mistress that She demanded Her to punish onyx for whispering to other Master's slaves without Their permission. Wow that was a wrong thing to demand. Mistress asked if onyx said anything wrong to his slave, and when he said no, just that onyx didn't ask him first, She got cross at him and said that we, Her girls, were free to talk to anyone unless being told to be silent at all, and that it was not up to him to scold Her girls publicly. Mistress defended onyx like a Lioness one of Her pups.

When we were back home again, all three jewels leashed to Mistress, i was surprised how very much miss absorbed her new position as a slave, how very fast she adapted to it. I do hope she keeps that pace, and stays with us. I have the feeling that - if she stays - she will be a very valuable asset in Mistress' little collection of jewels, as valuable as onyx.

withdrawal symptoms and other difficulties

Caffeine - Tolerance and Withdrawal

Oh my... why would i link a blog to a wiki about caffeine? And this in a blog about my Second Life and everything affecting it?

Well I used to drink a lot of coffee. Four to five 20oz mugs of coffee a day. And i mean strong coffee. Very strong coffee. The coffee i used to drink was in relation to espresso like your home-brewed coffee would be in relation to the colored water they serve in truck stops as "pay one, get as many free re-fills as you want".
I mentioned this towards onyx the other day, and she was very worried so she more or less talked me into trying cutting it down.
Well i did try.
And you won't believe it, i started to feel wornout quickly. Beside an inability to concentrate, drowsiness, a total weird sleep rhythm and just a slight but constant head ache i started bitching around more than during my PMS... :(

Just as i started getting used to "only" three cups a day again, i started having dreams of a little boy in my arms, and i became sick in the morning... yes, my fears turned out to be legitimate ... I'm pregnant, meanwhile it's the 7th week. *sigh*
Of course i talked to my doc, and he was cross at me for consuming so much caffeine (he even related it to medicine abuse) and told me to cut it down, and to cut down cigarettes as well... and only one glass of alcoholic beverage if at all and more vitamins yadda yadda ... and yes he's right *sigh*

But what has everything above to do with Second Life?
Well, first it affects the time i'm inworld, two it affects my inner strength, three it affects my work, and four it affects my service to my Mistress.

As written above, cutting down coffee and cigarettes does effect my ability to concentrate - which i need to be able to communicate in two languages until way past midnight, or to focus on doing things with programs like GIMP (for textures) and Qavimator (for poses and animations) after having written or translated texts for other people in Office, and after having posted in the forums i'm a member of, and/or having written some scenes of the new scripts version of "Involuntary Females" in Celtx -- not to mention the concentration the rest of my Real Life needs sometimes.

But why would I need to stay awake until way past midnight? Well, to spend as much time as possible with my Mistress of course. Since my Mistress is living in USA, there are 7 hours time difference between Her and me. So when it's noon for Her, it's 7pm for me. And since Her best time to go inworld is afternoon/evening Her time (because She has a RL to attend too) - think afternoon plus 7 hours and you get the point. Luckily i work from home so i have been able to go to bed with sunrise and sleep late and still get my work done without problems.

And here we come to point one: my time inworld. With a sleep-rhythm going all haywire, i can't rely on a certain time of going inworld anymore. Hence i become unreliable too. Sometimes my inworld time is from 7pm to 10pm, hardly seeing Mistress and onyx; sometimes it's between Midnight and 2 or 3am, seing onyx only half of the time; sometimes i need a nap after my RL work and wake up at 6am after a 14h sleep and thus miss both Mistress and onyx; sometimes it's the formerly usual time between 10pm and 2am. It has become chaotic.

Two, as a slave in an M/s relationship i feel to have a certain responsibility for Mistress, so when She needs to just relax from exhausting RL, i try to be calming and supportive and be not too pushy. And as First girl of Mistress i also do have a responsibility towards onyx, and i feel that i should not only be her bestest friend and sister but that i also should lead her when Mistress is not online in a way that would make my Mistress proud of both of us. Even Mistress said that it would be good for training as long as both onyx and i don't see me as a replacement for Her.
And here comes the problem with my inner strength: Going through this withdrawal, being irritatable and having concentration issues and being less reliable with inworld times, i currently tend to be more demanding than normal. At least i feel i am. With no creative ideas to give input, i feel i kind of force my Mistress to come up with ideas instead of just relaxing and deciding between humbly made suggestions. So instead of giving my Mistress strength i feel i'm drawing it from Her which is the last thing i ever wanted. I'm glad onyx is on my side to take this part and help both Mistress and me - which is not always easy for her. And my lack of input plus my difficulties in domming and leading, gives onyx a really hard time at the moment. I sometimes wonder that both Mistress and onyx still love me as much as they do.

Three, my work: yes, this also affects my work - because i need more time to do the same amount of work than before in RL, and i just don't feel like doing any work in SL at the moment. i haven't done any service in a Welcome Area since FFH Land was killed, and i haven't built anything inworld since i tried cutting down the coffee usage the first time. Okay, i did make two poses (which were far from perfect) and i made a few textures, but ... somehow the interest to do anything creative has decreased - even the interest in working on my story (though it is waiting to be finished as if it had a dead-line).

And last but not least, when i'm that irritatable and lacking of concentration and creativity, i'm becoming less useful as a slave in a lifestyle that depends on communication and mutual inspiration. I love my Mistress and am as supportive and calming as i can, but at the moment i'm not much of use: Obeying commands as good as i can is all i can do at the moment. Plus that i'm feeling less able to help onyx to become the perfect slave she wants to be, and my irregular inworld time makes it difficult to serve my Mistress and my sister as good as i should. In my current state, i'm far from being a perfect slave. :(

Mistress, if You read this: i do love you, and i still try to be the best slave i can be - and even though i have difficulties and issues at the moment, i will do my best to serve and support You, as i always did.

Jul 23, 2009

Good bye FFH Land

The region FFH Land, formerly been the heart of virtual Frankfurt, and home of a Community Gateway - the home of so many people and the place where i worked and where met 95% of my German speaking friends, has died. It does not exist anymore.
At least it doesnt anymore in the databases of SL. But in my heart and in the heart of many others it will remain.

R.I.P. FFH Land