One Big Blond Moment: So what now?

One Big Blond Moment: So what now?: "It's definitely been a chaotic couple of weeks to say the least. Sometimes I take a step back and look at the big picture, and I think..."

Musings About Getting Immersion

..., or: a reminder to dear memories...

A few days ago, I found a very great and profound article in Adam Zadeh's wonderful blog Gorean Wines:

Try this at home or "so you wanna be a kajira"

In my journeys though out Second Life I have heard again and again the same lament.  My boyfriend/husband/significant other does not/will  understand my need to explore my submissive side.  So they start to explore this need via virtual reality programs like SL or via "relationship" sites like Collar Me, and the much superior Fet Life - where at least you can learn something.  

I personally see no harm in this.  However I have always argued that unless you experience some of these things in reality, you have no idea what it feels like.   Your reactions will be much more realistic in the game if your mind has an idea of what it would be liked to be flogged.  To be tied up or to be forced to do things.  This little article is not geared towards those of us in the lifestyle (Gorean or otherwise) but towards those that are "newbie's" to BDSM.

Some of these little exercises may make you smile, but each is designed to "give you a taste" of what a slave on Gor may have experienced in their day to day lives. [read more...]

Though I wouldn't call SL a game (I think i mentioned that already somewhere) I  think this article is a really great read for everyone who wants to be - or just play - a slave in SL.
What exercises are what he writes about? Well, duh - things you see each kajira or slave girl doing in SL.. Things like: trying the slave positions, trying how it feels to wear a collar, trying to be mindful in your acts - and a few more. And he is right, it does add realism and plausibility to your acts in the realms of SL, other virtual worlds - or even chatrooms.

These are only suggestions, how you meet your desires is up to you....but the journey there is full of wonderful surprises.

And that is something I totally can admit.Kudos to such an insightful blog and such a great article.

But this article very much reminded me of my own way to become a slave in SL, and also of a post I wrote long time ago:
Gem's blog: a few thoughts about being a slave: "I consider myself a slave, slave of Mistress Lexi Leiner , Her property. A slave with privileges though, but nonetheless a slave.  You might..."

My stance on RZ and others

Instead of publishing the last pending comment, I want to make MY stance on it.
Yes I do read it that RedZone etc are indeed violating the SL TOS.
And I doubt that Soft Linden's statement in the JIRA was just his own private opinion:

Soft Linden commented on VWR-24746:
-----------------------------------

Hey, all. I got the go-ahead to give an update on zF Red Zone specifically. Again, thank you for the ARs with specific info about violations. These have been very helpful for letting Lindens know what's going on.

Tuesday morning, we removed zF Red Zone from the Marketplace for a second time. We removed the in-world vendor distributing the item as well. We determined that zF Red Zone was still in violation of our Terms of Service and Community Standards.

We asked for removal by no later than today of all zF Red Zone functionality that discloses any alternate account names. That is, even if consent is asked, the service may not act on the consent. In addition, we asked for removal by no later than Friday of the interface for and any remaining implementation of the zF Red Zone consent mechanism because it does not comply with our policies. If these updates are not made, we will take appropriate steps to remedy the violations.

As before, we appreciate your help in keeping an eye on content. If you find that any merchant's product is not in compliance with our TOS or our Community Standards, please file an abuse report about the product. Do this even if you filed against a previous version. Include a specific explanation of what you believe is a violation, and ideally select and report the in-world object at issue in case it behaves differently than what's in the Marketplace. Before reporting, make sure you have first-hand knowledge of the issue. Support can best react if you explain specific steps to reproduce or confirm a violation.

»WE determined that zF Red Zone was still in violation of our Terms of Service and Community Standards.« Not »I thought that...«, or »I guessed that...«
»WE« - i.e. Linden Lab. As I see it, there is nothing to misunderstand.


Nonetheless, here is MY stance:

• Simply because something that's morally and/or legally WRONG can be done easily, doesn't make it morally and/or legally RIGHT. TOS violation is TOS violation, no matter how easy it is done - and there's only black or white: respecting the TOS or disrespecting it.
• And a system that spies data from my computer without my permission - unlike when I "permit" it, or rather hand my data over by deliberately trying to get access to a website or server - such a system CAN, but doesn't HAVE TO, be installed on my computer, but nonetheless it's SPYWARE, hence not legal.

Is it easily possible to spy my momentary IP address by using Media stream? Yes it is. If I wanted, I even could get your IP address by using my pictures here.
Is it easily possible to get my avatar name and key inworld? Yes of course. As easy as getting your blog user names and blog ID here.
Is it easily possible to connect my avatar name to the IP address I use at that moment? Yes of course.
Is it easily possible to add time stamps to that connected info, and to create a list? Why,  of course.
Is it easily possible to check the collected IP addresses and names against other avatar names and -keys on such a list? Yes it is. You don't even need an SQL database for it, an XLS (or ODS) list is enough.

Does anyone have the right to do that UNLESS I explicitely allow this media stream, unless I deliberately go to their website? Of course not.
Does anyone in SL has the right to spy on me? No of course not. Just like a forum user has no right to spy on other forum users. Just like your neighbour has no right to spy on you.
Does anyone have the right to put an IP sniffing tool where one would expect a media stream?  No.
Does anyone have the right to try to find out ANY RL information, even including IP address, MAC address, browser etc of others who are not users of their OWN webspace? Or even to create a database about this info? No, of course not.

So, whether it's Quickware or RedZone, or CDS, or any other alt-"detecting" system, any such Stasi tools don't belong into Second Life and should be banned immediately, together with their creators. I don't need any wannabe Stasi loners in SL. I had enough of them in RL.

Even though this following pic belongs to a different issue, I think it's not so much off-topic here:

An Open Letterto the Phoenix Team

To the viewer team who stated their stance in the RedZone/Spyware matter were NEUTRAL

You seem to miss the point that one cannot be neutral about violation of the TOS. There is only either right or wrong, either respecting the TOS or violating it. To compare it with RL laws: There's only either innocent or criminal.

Either one respects the TOS (in comparison: abides by the law), then RedZone and every other similar tool is absolutely inacceptable -- or you are for RedZone et al, but then you don't mind violating the TOS (in comparison: you don't mind breaking the law).

The TOS clearly states that

8.3 You agree that you will not post or transmit Content or code that may […] invade other users' privacy, or surreptitiously or negatively impact any system or network.

You agree to respect both the integrity of the Service and the privacy of other users. You will not:

(i) Post or transmit viruses, Trojan horses, worms, spyware, […], or other computer programming routines that may harm the Service or interests or rights of other users, or that may harvest or collect any data or personal information about other users without their consent;

The Community Standards also state:

Residents are entitled to a reasonable level of privacy with regard to their Second Life experience. Sharing personal information about your fellow Residents without their consent -- […] beyond what is provided by them in their Resident profile -- is not allowed.

Soft Linden  wrote that

[…] if you see one of his resale vendors, you should Abuse Report
the vendor's owner. File the AR against the object's owner whether the vendor is
owned by the creator, an alt of the creator, or set out by others for
commission. For the AR type, select "Harassment->Soliciting/Inciting others to
Violate ToS." Feel free to add a link to this comment.

It is absolutely clear, there is nothing to be misinterpreted: LL is considering such spy tools as against the TOS. They took a stance, while you back off, because you don't want to be split apart. For an undisrupted work on the viewer and its successor, you are ignoring that there are some violators of the TOS in your team. In this subject, there is only EITHER one side OR the other. Either TOS or RedZone et al.

Hasn't the team of the predecessor of this viewer had enough trouble with people within who didn't mind violating the TOS? Don't anyone of you remember EmeraldGate - which was caused by a few in the team who violated the TOS, plus by the others who remained neutral?
Please don't  make that mistake again and let a "PhoenixGate" be created over it. Being the most-used third-party viewer in SL, the Phoenix can't afford that.
Do make a decision AS A TEAM, even if it means to have to let a few go. Decide AS A TEAM to be either for the ToS or for the spy tools, and do take a stance.

eighthdwarf Checchinato

Phoenix user from the beginning, Firestorm user

- and before the rise of Phoenix: Emerald user

New Works in Progress, and a statement

I have 2 things I'm currently working at in regards to SL - and a couple things I'm working at in RL.
The ones for SL are quite ambitious - one because I need to collect correct translations before I make the final version and load it up to the SL Marketplace, the other one because of its size and details.

First the 1prim thing, or rather a texture with a statement:

 

Yes, it is entirely about the ongoing "war" on privacy-invading spy tools in SL that almost is splitting the SL community apart. Tools like RedZone, CDS, theQuickware Alt Detector and others.

Those who use these tools argue that they have the right to protect their land from griefers and copybotters plus their alts -  while those who don't condone these tools argue that they are invading everyone's privacy even more than the groping TSA guys. 

To all Alt Detection System users out there: It's nobody's business except Linden Lab's whether someone has alts or not, or how many, or what's their names are, and what they do. And you can't detect alts anyways by sneeking their IP: otherwise, everyone using a Hotspot at a cafe or station, or everyone in a company or university network, or everyone in a wi-fi sharing neighborhood, or everyone in an apartment with more than one computer would be each other's alt. And what about dynamic addresses? Is Avatar "X" the alt of avatar "Y" simply because X had the same IP yesterday that Y has today? Even if it's only one computer being used: is the SL account of X who is the RL roommate, or a family member or a guest of Y, and logging in from Y's computer, necessarily Y's alt account? Nope. Same IP is not equal to same account owner.

As I stated last week on SLU:

I have never used - and will never use - RedZone, CDS, or any other spyware thingy on my land. Or on land of any alt of mine.
I have my own private rl reasons from the past to be completely against such STASI tools.
I don't support them, and I don't support anyone who uses them by spending my time and L$ on their land.

I respect the privacy of anyone I meet and anyone who comes to my land.

eighthdwarf Checchinato
March 03, 2011 (4:14am)

Yes, I learned my lesson about privacy and disclosing of private info well. 

Ok, the other thing i'm working on is a boat, or rather a ship, my Catamaran Yacht "Jewel of the Seas":

 

 

I'll still need to rebuild some of the things as sculpts, but as of yet it's look is more or less what I hoped for it. And as the last picture shows, it is quite big :) Actually, it's just over 81m (266ft) long, 32m (105ft) wide, and each deck is 4m (13ft) high. As far as I know, no RL ship looks like my yacht, though I have seen huge cruise ships with the name "Jewel of the Seas"

My RL work in progress is quite more time- consuming: I'm working on volume two of my not-yet-published book, on illustrations for both books, and on a graphic novel - together with the child book author Benjamin Nover - that is supposed to become a book for grown-ups.

So, everyone who wondered why I am online for only short time, and why my alt Lady Alexandra hasn't been on SL-Gor anymore for a long while, and why i'm mostly busy when being online and not with my Mistress - that's why.

Hunter

(© Lyra Lestrange, http://belsina.deviantart.com/ - with friendly permission)

I am a hunter - and I represent a part of the prey as well :)

At the SLinside Helau & Alaaf Hunt,  a carnival related gift hunt that started on Saturday (Feb 19th) and goes on to March 9th, the Shop Ship is #16 of 56 shops that are to be visited to gather the gifts. These gifts are packed into balloon animals which are hidden somewhere in these shops.

see also → here ←

To hide the Shop Ship gift, I put dozens of balloons in any accessable and/or visible room in and on the Shop Ship *grin*

 Those who open our hunt gift will be surprised: Aside of gifts related to the hunt theme (made both by me and Gorkie), there is also an item in it I haven't even offered to sale YET.

So, why do I post this today, belatedly as the hunt started two days ago?
Why, that's easy: I wanted to use the hunter picture above as a starter for my post - and waited for the permission to use it. Thank you once again, Belsina.

A Promotion, and News from the Shop Ship

While I made my display name Gem out of a compromise (my slave name, plus upper case for role play reasons) I wondered all the time what my Mistress would say about that. Since Display names can only be changed once a week, I then wanted to change it to gem, lower case, in Her presence, to show my slave status. But my Mistress objected. She even asked if I would want to argue with Her. Of course not. So, my display name stays upper case, and my blog is renamed likewise, and my shop as well :)

Speaking of the shop: the shop ship becomes more and more serious business.
It has it's own logo,

my part in it has it's own shop banner,

(I'm still working on a square logo to advertize only my products too)

and I changed the look of my ad images as well.
from (for example) this:

to THIS look:

Plus, Gorkie uses a Web Ad service to help us advertize both our shops: her SLC  Franchise, and my builds :)
I'm glad that my Mistress gives me enough lenience to let me run my business, to try make Her proud in all things I do.

Pathfinder's Prediction

My Prediction for Virtual Worlds in 2011

Posted on December 31, 2010 by Pathfinder

At the end of each calendar year, it’s common for people to offer up their predictions for the new year ahead.
Such predictions are fun to make and fun to read.  Since I mostly swim in the waters of online communities and virtual worlds, most of the predictions I come across have to do with the future of technology.
I have a prediction for the coming year.  And while my prediction involves the technology landscape of virtual worlds, what I predict will happen actually has nothing to do with technology.

more… 

2011 has begun…

 … and of course I made some resolutions for this year, things I want to work on

• writing, writing, writing - to finish the projects i began, and start new ones.
• working on my drawing and picture editing skills - and finish the illustrating projects i began
• building more things in  SL - to let my "~ gem's ~" shop grow, not only in turnover, but also in product number and product range
• and despite of the above: more activities outdoors - or at least away from a computer or sketchbook

I wish you all the power, patience and endurance to work on the tasks you resolved for this year, and I wish everyone in both, the biological and the digital worlds, as much happiness, health, success, and peace as possible.
May 2011 be one of your best years in life!

Unfree, no matter what

In the blog Unfrei, which is written by a really devoted Gorean Kajira roleplayer, I just read a quotation that made me smile.

Can you truly give up the things you need to, to be someone's slave? Would you put yourself last, or even second? If you want something, and you are denied it… can you let it go and trust that it was for the best? Can you learn, relearn, and train even when you feel like it's hopeless? Will you still be a slave, and think of others when your mood sucks? Will you still be a slave even as tears course down your cheeks while you are punished or reprimanded? Will you still feel like being a slave when you are told he doesn't want to have you near him right now? Will you still feel like a slave if he does not touch you when you wish, but when he wishes…. Will you still want to be a slave as you toss and turn at night, your desires unmet because he said no? Will you still want to be a Gorean slave when he decides to give someone else the attention you think you deserve or that you crave?

I realized that I can  answer these questions (even though i would have to replace Master with Mistress, he with she, and discard the word Gorean), all these questions happily with  YES, YES, YES!!!
Since May 08, I've already shown that I am the slave of my Mistress no matter what, and willingly so, andt I will show anytime again that I can do it, that I not only can be, but already and for ever am, for better or worse, my Mistress' slave. - until She decides to disown me.

One last question...
How romantic does slavery sound now?

It doesn't sound romantic at all, that's true. But for me, it feels just right!


Merry Christmas my dear Mistress, and my dear few readers.

Phoenix Viewer Blog: 1.5.2.818 Final Major Release!

Phoenix Viewer Blog: 1.5.2.818 Final Major Release!: "It's finally here! As promised.. a Christmas Release! Our final major release version 818. \o/ A few things to note... We are no longer pr..."

a poll and a hunt

Ten days ago I posted in a forum that only a minority would use the viewer 2.x One user asked for proof, like posts and polls and so on. I searched and found only polls from before "Emeraldgate", before the Emerald viewer was forbidden by reason.
The successors Emergence and Phoenix, viewers made by the honest remnants of the former Emerald team, have been unknown at the point of these older polls and surveys. SO I made my own one which closed two days ago .

The result - despite the poll hasn't got as many responders as I hoped - was what I expected. A little over 1/3 of the participants are using Viewer 2, just under 2/3 are using another viewer (viewer 1-based, or "Hybrid" viewers = viewer 1- based, with functions of viewer 2 but the UI of viewer 1.x), and the Phoenix Viewer is the most used one.

A hunt - or rather the SLinside Adventkalender - is happening on my new place today.
"Gem's and Gorkie's Shop Ship" is the place where the visitors can find a little gift until midnight (and maybe until tomorrow morning).

 

Here's a view inside, from in front of my vendor

My friend Gorkie and I did everything to let winter appear on the place for this one day.

Reviving the blog (?)

Yes I did neglect this blog, and I was too busy elsewhere.

Actually I am busy writing and drawing, means as long as I am not suffering a creativity block.
I finished "Mirror Visions, Volume 1", which is effectively the same character names and places as in "Involuntary Females", but within an entirely re-written story plot, changed to match a teenage and young adult audience.
I uploaded the prologue and the first chapter as excerpts to my deviantArt account.

In October, I was at the Frankfurt Book Fair, with the help of a friend of mine (you usually only can enter this fair if you are either a published author, an illustrator, or working at a publishers already). And I gave about a dozen of excerpts to about a dozen publishers - including big publishing companies, Random House included. Maybe I'm lucky.
There was though one company that had a similar name to one of the list of publishers I wanted to visit… I later learned that this one was a vanity publisher. At the end of last month I got an offer by them: if I pay between 4.600 and 10.400 Euro (depending on the publishing model) they will publish my book.
Hm. I think I'll never have this amount of money - and if i had, I'd pay other depts with it rather than having my story printed. :P

***

In SL, many things have changed, and many things stayed the same…
EmeraldGate went through all blogs and forums, so I won't mention it any further here - BUT: I lost good friends because of it, people who I thought were less… hm… irresponsible? Anyway
Precious isn't anymore with me, she's not my slave anymore. I learned that I totally failed at being a Mistress. I may be good at being First Girl (that has to be decided by my Mistress though) but as a Mistress on my own, I'm on the wrong place. Nonetheless, Misty admitted that she had learned much - and she will always remain my dear precious sister.
Both of us made mistakes when she was my girl, which led to our breaking up - but we buried our grudges and forgave each other. We once shared one chain, after all. :)

I still am the slave of my Mistress, Jona's Isle, my piece of land, is now on one of Her sims - and W/we enjoy the rare time W/we can spend together. rare because different time zones and our real lives that we also have to pay our tributes.
Alex, my Gorean Alt, is currently "on pilgrimage" - though mostly on limbo, because I simply have not the time to log-in as her as well. But WHEN I have the time, I visit the different towns in SL Gor, maybe finding another place for a Homestone.

Another alt is shaped a way neither fitiing to my Eighthdwarf nor to my Alex activities: she's handicapped, just like Jona in the former "Involuntary Females" story. Thus I met Gorkie, a one-legged person who is one-legged in RL too. Currently I help her by having built a ship at my island, where she could place her shop into. It was some work to build the trust into her that I won't throw her out, or count each prim she uses, like one "friend" of her did where she had her little shop before. She's a really nice person, and I don't want to miss her.
It's really marvelous to have a friend around who is not into D/s nor treating me as a slave or a Mistress. Actually Gorkie is as loving as my Mistress, just that she and i treat each other on an equal level.

Good bye old old Jona's Isle

Good bye old (though newer) Jona's Isle

Welcome new Gem's Island

a little summary, and musings about privacy, ponyplay, Gor and Alts

I'd love to give a summary of what happened between my Mistress and i, what happened with "miss", what led to precious throw in and submit to me... And I know those who know me would love to know these reasons too. But ...
But as I have been in trouble because I talked too much once, I have promised to not mention anything about my Mistress' RL even if that's the only way to explain things happening in SL, nor anything that can (read by the wrong people) cause Her harm and drama. I think there's enough drama in RL, and we don't need that in SL as well.

Anyways, I'm still the slave of my Mistress even though we're not together anymore on a daily base in SL, we still share secrets with each other, and to see Her Dominant friends wiggle around me, Her girl, trying to get even a little information about Her is just funny. Gosh I love to act as Her "Vorzimmerdrachen": the receptionist who makes clear that her boss gets as much privacy as possible, the secretary who only lets people pass who are invited by her boss on a whim.

And precious and I get along well, though I more and more realize that I am not made to be a Domme.. I do teach her and I do lead her, but we're OOC about half of the time, and as a Mistress I should be much less lenient than I am.
Precious told me in her "Limits and Wishes" notecard that she liked to see what it is to be a pony girl. Since I have no clue about that topic myself, I made sure she applied at the training center at the Frilly Filly Farm. Well even though I am taken aback a bit, thinking of my girl to be trained by someone else in general - and as a pony girl in special, I think it may be a good experience for her and will lead to a better understanding about what obedience means to a slave. And there's the saying after all: Be careful what you wish for - it may come true.

As mentioned before, I live now on my precious' land, as a subtenant so to speak. It's called Jona's Isle, named after the character Jona from my story. It's an island on 1/4 homestead sim, and I used up almost all 936 prims there - for two houses, a tent, some trees and 2 ships and a drawbridge towards the 1/4 sim which is our normal home: Labyrinth, the home of precious. Jona's Isle looks a bit like a Gorean smugglers nest, and that is intentionally. I do hope that it is visited by some Gorean friends as an outlet for roleplay, or to relax in a environment looking a bit like their home.
Though I do love the other part too, the quarter where my precious has built her home, I do have the ambition to make this island look perfect. When I am with my precious, we use the entire half of the sim - though the main villa on Labyrinth tends to be deserted most of the time. So many plans and so little time to make new friends and invite them over :D

Why did I make Jona's Island look Gor-like, and why do I have so many Gorean friends since I talked about BDSM only? well, I do have an Alt (alternative account) role-playing in SL-Gor. She's a Scribe - which is one of the highest castes (a kind of guild) on Gor, the caste of scholars and scientists, accountants and clerks. And with this Alt I have a lot of friends both in the town I play in (her Home Stone) and elsewhere in SL-Gor. And I must say even though I would not wish for Gorean conditions here on Earth, I like this roleplay, and it is challenging. And the roleplay did actually improve my writing as much as the critiques in the writing forums.
And, between pentecost and a few weeks ago, I had a break from roleplay. Even though I had managed it then to have time for working at the newbie area, for role-playing, and for serving my Mistress, I needed a break from roleplay, so my Alt was pausing, I was in SL only with this my main account. But I started to miss the RP, so this month I decided to let my Gorean character return to her Home Stone - with a background story: my character spent the time on Jona's Island, using a false identity as a merchant's Free Companion.

My Mistress knows my Alt, just like I know the Alts of all my closest friends - and it was a strange feeling to talk to my Mistress on an equal base, though we made it like our girl-to-girl talks - but it became even stranger and more challenging when she started to pretend to be a kajira when I was dressed as a Gorean Free Woman.
I admit, I don't really like to see my Mistress at my feet, somehow I can't differ OOC from IC then: She is my Mistress after all, no matter how both of us are dressed.
And I realized, no matter which avatar I use - if I am gem or my Alt, in my perception my Mistress will always be my Mistress. It's the human behind her avatar who I submitted to, not her avatar.

been a busy bee

It may seem that I haven't done anything at all, since my last post was a few months ago.
But I was busy in RL for a while, writing.
Here are the links to the PDF-files of the English and the German version of the script to the story "Involuntary Females", as far as it goes by now (38 scenes). Once I am finished, I'll re-work them into novel form.

Onyx is now with me, though I call her precious now. Unfortunately she couldn't go well with my Mistress, so she eventually threw her collar in - but she din't want to get out of the position of a slave and she trusted me very very much... and I love her to pieces, so I finally stopped resisting her submission to me, despite I feel more as a slave than a Dominant. But I must say it is a challenging experience to teach and to lead for a change. If I wouldn't serve my Mistress whenever I can, I didn't know where to get the power and inspiration from to teach and lead Precious.
Anyway, even though my Mistress doesn't like the fact that I act as a switch now, and especially doesn't like the fact that precious is now my girl, I still try to make Her proud by doing as She taught me, by taking Her as shiny example.

A third jewel - and a Lioness fights for Her pups

Our little family has grown bigger. Dream, who came into SL about 6 or 7 weeks ago, submitted to Mistress a few days ago. After the first time Dream met Mistress, Mistress asked us (onyx and me) to friend her, and to try explain her the M/s lifestyle.
Well we did begin to explain it to her, and Dream stated that she would like to be like us.
Then, a few days ago, Dream came to the place where we girls were kneeling before Mistress, more exactly: Mistress asked onyx to tp Dream to her. Without thinking i greeted her as "Miss Dream" (damn habits, calling everyone Miss or Sir), and short time later i gave her the tower animation that she could kneel before Mistress to submit to Her. After Mistress spoke to her and short before she was accepted by Her, Dream asked me to not call her miss anymore (yes, the word with lower case letters) - so Mistress asked her if she would dislike to be called miss. Dream answered yes, so Mistress decided that Dream's new slave name would be miss now, much to her dismay.
Actually i do hope that miss will be her name only temporary, that she will get a jewel name like the names of onyx or me, but it's up to Mistress whether or not She decides for one.
Onyx then was sent to go with her buy her our slave uniform, then all 4 of U/us went to the Open Collar place to get a collar and the AO for our new sister.

While waiting there, onyx tried to talk a bit to someone else's slave, but her Master waited with his complaint until W/we were outside the most crowded place, then addressed Mistress that She demanded Her to punish onyx for whispering to other Master's slaves without Their permission. Wow that was a wrong thing to demand. Mistress asked if onyx said anything wrong to his slave, and when he said no, just that onyx didn't ask him first, She got cross at him and said that we, Her girls, were free to talk to anyone unless being told to be silent at all, and that it was not up to him to scold Her girls publicly. Mistress defended onyx like a Lioness one of Her pups.

When we were back home again, all three jewels leashed to Mistress, i was surprised how very much miss absorbed her new position as a slave, how very fast she adapted to it. I do hope she keeps that pace, and stays with us. I have the feeling that - if she stays - she will be a very valuable asset in Mistress' little collection of jewels, as valuable as onyx.

withdrawal symptoms and other difficulties

Caffeine - Tolerance and Withdrawal

Oh my... why would i link a blog to a wiki about caffeine? And this in a blog about my Second Life and everything affecting it?

Well I used to drink a lot of coffee. Four to five 20oz mugs of coffee a day. And i mean strong coffee. Very strong coffee. The coffee i used to drink was in relation to espresso like your home-brewed coffee would be in relation to the colored water they serve in truck stops as "pay one, get as many free re-fills as you want".
I mentioned this towards onyx the other day, and she was very worried so she more or less talked me into trying cutting it down.
Well i did try.
And you won't believe it, i started to feel wornout quickly. Beside an inability to concentrate, drowsiness, a total weird sleep rhythm and just a slight but constant head ache i started bitching around more than during my PMS... :(

Just as i started getting used to "only" three cups a day again, i started having dreams of a little boy in my arms, and i became sick in the morning... yes, my fears turned out to be legitimate ... I'm pregnant, meanwhile it's the 7th week. *sigh*
Of course i talked to my doc, and he was cross at me for consuming so much caffeine (he even related it to medicine abuse) and told me to cut it down, and to cut down cigarettes as well... and only one glass of alcoholic beverage if at all and more vitamins yadda yadda ... and yes he's right *sigh*

But what has everything above to do with Second Life?
Well, first it affects the time i'm inworld, two it affects my inner strength, three it affects my work, and four it affects my service to my Mistress.

As written above, cutting down coffee and cigarettes does effect my ability to concentrate - which i need to be able to communicate in two languages until way past midnight, or to focus on doing things with programs like GIMP (for textures) and Qavimator (for poses and animations) after having written or translated texts for other people in Office, and after having posted in the forums i'm a member of, and/or having written some scenes of the new scripts version of "Involuntary Females" in Celtx -- not to mention the concentration the rest of my Real Life needs sometimes.

But why would I need to stay awake until way past midnight? Well, to spend as much time as possible with my Mistress of course. Since my Mistress is living in USA, there are 7 hours time difference between Her and me. So when it's noon for Her, it's 7pm for me. And since Her best time to go inworld is afternoon/evening Her time (because She has a RL to attend too) - think afternoon plus 7 hours and you get the point. Luckily i work from home so i have been able to go to bed with sunrise and sleep late and still get my work done without problems.

And here we come to point one: my time inworld. With a sleep-rhythm going all haywire, i can't rely on a certain time of going inworld anymore. Hence i become unreliable too. Sometimes my inworld time is from 7pm to 10pm, hardly seeing Mistress and onyx; sometimes it's between Midnight and 2 or 3am, seing onyx only half of the time; sometimes i need a nap after my RL work and wake up at 6am after a 14h sleep and thus miss both Mistress and onyx; sometimes it's the formerly usual time between 10pm and 2am. It has become chaotic.

Two, as a slave in an M/s relationship i feel to have a certain responsibility for Mistress, so when She needs to just relax from exhausting RL, i try to be calming and supportive and be not too pushy. And as First girl of Mistress i also do have a responsibility towards onyx, and i feel that i should not only be her bestest friend and sister but that i also should lead her when Mistress is not online in a way that would make my Mistress proud of both of us. Even Mistress said that it would be good for training as long as both onyx and i don't see me as a replacement for Her.
And here comes the problem with my inner strength: Going through this withdrawal, being irritatable and having concentration issues and being less reliable with inworld times, i currently tend to be more demanding than normal. At least i feel i am. With no creative ideas to give input, i feel i kind of force my Mistress to come up with ideas instead of just relaxing and deciding between humbly made suggestions. So instead of giving my Mistress strength i feel i'm drawing it from Her which is the last thing i ever wanted. I'm glad onyx is on my side to take this part and help both Mistress and me - which is not always easy for her. And my lack of input plus my difficulties in domming and leading, gives onyx a really hard time at the moment. I sometimes wonder that both Mistress and onyx still love me as much as they do.

Three, my work: yes, this also affects my work - because i need more time to do the same amount of work than before in RL, and i just don't feel like doing any work in SL at the moment. i haven't done any service in a Welcome Area since FFH Land was killed, and i haven't built anything inworld since i tried cutting down the coffee usage the first time. Okay, i did make two poses (which were far from perfect) and i made a few textures, but ... somehow the interest to do anything creative has decreased - even the interest in working on my story (though it is waiting to be finished as if it had a dead-line).

And last but not least, when i'm that irritatable and lacking of concentration and creativity, i'm becoming less useful as a slave in a lifestyle that depends on communication and mutual inspiration. I love my Mistress and am as supportive and calming as i can, but at the moment i'm not much of use: Obeying commands as good as i can is all i can do at the moment. Plus that i'm feeling less able to help onyx to become the perfect slave she wants to be, and my irregular inworld time makes it difficult to serve my Mistress and my sister as good as i should. In my current state, i'm far from being a perfect slave. :(

Mistress, if You read this: i do love you, and i still try to be the best slave i can be - and even though i have difficulties and issues at the moment, i will do my best to serve and support You, as i always did.

Good bye FFH Land

The region FFH Land, formerly been the heart of virtual Frankfurt, and home of a Community Gateway - the home of so many people and the place where i worked and where met 95% of my German speaking friends, has died. It does not exist anymore.
At least it doesnt anymore in the databases of SL. But in my heart and in the heart of many others it will remain.




R.I.P. FFH Land

Living in the Past?

I pondered about the Zen comic in my last post - the panel where Sensei Tsuru says:

"I left that young woman at the river, why do you still carry her?"

I admit it IS difficult to not think of things that happened in the past when i am confronted with all the things reminding me of them ...
And i also know it would be easier to just look forward and say "this or that chapter is CLOSED, i will not open it anymore"...
But wouldn't it be too ignorant as well? I don't know though i'm trying.

"To live completely in the moment" - what a difficult way of life!

Catching Up

I know i havent taken care of this my blog for way too long...
I'm really sorry about that. But like my Mistress uses to say: RL comes always first.

So, this post will become somewhat long today.

Yes, I'm still with my Mistress. She seemed to have forgiven me, and her friend Sir T. who i also did hurt with my talking to d* (even made his situation in RL worse than it was before) seems to have forgiven me.

So i could be happy about that fact and close that chapter like they did, if ... well if I myself wouldnt be so slow at forgiving me. :(


I talked with Master Thorin, and He managed to calm me down, and He sent me a link to a picture and told me to place it here when i told him that i wanted to write about my thoughts in that matter.

I don't know if it really fits in here but as He asked me so nicely ...

Hm... Well ... Zen stuff *shrug* I never understood that part.



* * *


Speaking of closing a chapter: The Community Gateway in FFH Land, formerly belonging to the virtual town of Frankfurt, has closed, and the sim will disappear soon.

I liked working there, helping newbies in a town that resembled the big city close to where i live in RL. It had a feeling of being near home.



Sadly, this CG has closed there forever - and it's even sadder that it wasn't even for financial reasons: there would have been sponsors for it. No, it was personal reasons why the CG was dumped.

Now, that the place has been junked with memorables and pictures, it doesnt look even a bit homely anymore - as i had to see when i was there with my sister Onyx.



By the way, the letters DID on the entry place don't mean the past tense of DO, but are the abbreviation of "Deutscher Info-Dienst", German Info Service.


*sigh*


Seeing how the place has changed, and knowing that it is only a memorial now, no place for incoming newbies anymore, made (and still makes) me sad.


So, to a more homelier place:

"Thorin's Land", the land Master Thorin and i own on Temptations, the sim of my Mistress.


I finally finished the chapel for Onyx, even though i had to buy clocks and a bell and the benches for it. But the money Onyx gave me for it was more than enough to to buy them and still have a win.

Here it is in it's final form:



Yes i know it rather looks like a church than a chapel :D but Onyx liked it, and that was important.


And, Master Thorin bought a house (actually had it custom-built) as a new home for us.
Since this one has a basement, it had to be placed on a hill - so a lot of new landscaping had to be made which led to new ideas (and a bit of time to spend with working to realize them).









Home warming party will be soon, i already work on an invitation list and on the preparations for the party.





I love my Mistress, and i love my sister Onyx
Let's hope the powers that be let us all live happy on Temptations and in this new house.